If I hear Al Gore or some other braindead Hollywood celebrity (Gore’s winning an Academy Award finally puts him in this most deserving category) blather on about global warming, I am going to search the internet for professional rump-kickers, and have them delivered to their doors to perform their specialty.

I am tired of hearing about global warming. It used to be just because I did not care. That’s right, you heard me, I don’t care. One day, long after I am gone, this planet might be destroyed. I will not lose an ounce of sleep. Do I feel an obligation to help save it? No. I did not cause slavery. I did not steal land from the Indians. I did not cause the mess in Darfur. I do not care about what happens to bunny rabbits. I would wear a fur coat if I ever decide to work 125th street. I want to get from my car to my office and back to my car and back home without being confronted by every touchy feely social cause from save the mosquitoes to the starving Belgian children of South Jersey.

The bottom line is I do not deal in theories. I deal in facts. Islamofacists are trying to kill us. They did crash airplanes into the World Trade Center on 9/11. They want to do so again immediately, and are trying as we speak. Meanwhile, Hollywood celebrities and their followers in this country worry about some theory that thousands of years from now the planet might burn.

I am not willing to say that global warming is fantasy. I am not a scientist, and I consider myself totally uneducated on the subject. This separates me from Al Gore and his ilk in the sense that at least I can admit this.  Anyone who can claim certainty on a topic that is highly disputed and unresolved is getting their information from Almighty God, or in the case of many environmental obsessors, nature. I am not concerned about people talking to God. However, when he starts talking back, and issuing proclamations from the mountaintop, it is time to put the newest John Denver away and leave George Burns be.

Some scientists claim global warming is happening. Other scientists dispute this. In the 1970s it was global cooling, followed by the predicted ice age.  Now as someone who  lived through the New York blizzard of 1978, this scenario is believable. Shoveling snow was agony.  Thank the heavens my dad did it while I stayed inside. The blizzard of 1996 happened while Al Gore was Vice President. Just last week, it was 38 degrees in Chicago. As of this writing, the Mid-Atlantic and New England states are being pounded by a Nor’easter, which usually does not happen after Easter. Snow in April? Sounds blazing hot to me.

The questions involving global warming are as follows. 1) Does it exist? 2) What causes it, human beings or nature itself? 3) Can we do anything to prevent it?

The answer is we just don’t know. Many bright minds respectfully disagree with each other. Many feeble minds take those that agree with them and declare their theories irrefutable dogma.

Al Gore and his Hollywood celebrity friends could stop flying private jets, or using electricity to heat multi-home mansions. Or they could keep quiet so there would be less hot air. Or they could do something useful and find out why it is snowing in April.

I am not saying that those who believe in the doomsday predictions of global warming are wrong. I am concerned that they are so positive that they are right that they are destroying the planet with self-righteous liberal smugness.  Doubt is healthy.

The environment was here long before we arrived, and most likely will be here after we are all gone. To think we could destroy it by using the wrong kind of hair spray is the height of ridiculousness. However, it could be destroyed if Syria’s Assad and Iran’s Armageddonijad get nuclear weapons.

Some might say that the War on Terror and saving the environment are mutually exclusive, and therefore we can care about both. What many liberals do not understand is that resources are finite. When I say resources, I am not talking about trees. I am talking about time and money. Even if global warming is happening, as close as 100 years from now, Al Queda is working against us now. The USA has only so many dollars to operate with. If we have to choose between guns and butter, well then let’s make sure we have the arsenal to protect America’s citizens. Dead people cannot butter their bread.

I will explain this to liberals again. Trees and animals are important, but they are less important than human beings. Some people worry about the Spotted Owl. I worry about the hundreds of families who are hurting because a spouse is out of work due to protests against timber companies.

Some people will argue we have to make things better for the next generation. Fine. Just don’t make me responsible for what might happen to the planet 100 or 1000 years from now.  It is just as annoying as those who want to blame me for what happened 100 or 1000 years ago. It is bad enough God wants to kick my hide for Adam and Eve screwing up a couple million years ago.

So to all of you Hollywood celebrities who are worried that your swimming pool will not be a comfortable 80 degrees, I suggest you move to New York. Now. Today. As for those of you living in the Northeast…watching blue states complain about ice and hail storms while wearing whatever color ribbon is the flavor of the month to protest global warming is insufferable…in fact…dare I say it…verbally toxic.

Ok, off to wrap myself in a blanket. It is freezing. If Al Gore would turn down the heat at his multi-room mansions, he might know this. Maybe he and the rest of his Hollywood celebrity friends can remove their heads from their hides and vow to be more open-minded. Or they could look outside. Yes, it would involve looking beyond themselves, but it doesn’t take a meteorologist to tell me when it is well-diggers-hide-cold outside.

Of course I am not implying that cold weather today disputes global warming. However, when 5 day forecasts are often reduced to 2 day forecasts, asking to predict hundreds of years from now allows for theories, but more error in coming up with hard scientific facts that are completely conclusive.

There are three certainties in life…death…taxes (boy do I detest April 15th)…and uncertainty. Al Gore and his minions would be wise to develop some of the third and stop messing with the second one. Al Queda is busy trying to bring us the first one.

A world without Al Queda…now that would be a warm world I would like to see.

eric